No matter how good your marriage is, it always a challenge and something to work on, together. That quickly becomes a lot more complicated when you are living thousands of miles apart! Jen and I are currently in that situation and working hard to keep things running as smoothly as possible and to remain supportive of each other, even from a distance. Here are our top 6 things to remember when being in a long distance marriage!
1 – Remember, You’re Doing it for a Reason
If your marriage is like ours, before living apart, you probably had long conversations deciding if this was the best decision for your family. If you’re living apart, then obviously, as a team, you decided it was the best thing you could do for your family. While I miss Jen, pretty much constantly, I am never worried that we’re making a mistake or that our family won’t come out for the better because of it. That provides a tremendous amount of security and comfort. I can free myself to concentrate on my current goal of med school, guilt free.
2 – Use Technology
This seems like an obvious answer, especially since even when you live together most of use utilize technology to stay connected. However, quick messages here and there don’t really feel the same when you’re thousands of miles apart, and text doesn’t really feel like a connection. For us, adding to the difficulty, is that we both live in psuedo-black holes technology-wise. Jen is only periodically able to receive things like Facebook messages or other systems that use data. Conversely, my text messages are unreliable at best. We’ve taken to more or less leaving each other messages on FB once a day, detailing either what we did or what we will do with our day. Since text isn’t very personal or satisfying, these messages are left in the form of an audio message. Doing that with a few pictures will help!
3 – Communicate Your Needs
Now is not the time to tip toe around each other and be afraid to ask for what you want. One of the things that was making me feel sad was that I felt like I wasn’t involved in Jen’s life anymore. We discussed it, came up with some strategies and started trying them out. Asking for what you need is one of the greatest signs of trust you can have in a partner.
4 – Do Stuff Together
Even though you aren’t physically together, you can still do things together. Find a project to work on. Listen to the same podcast series and discuss it later. Play games online. Plan a trip to celebrate coming back together. This can look like a tremendous amount of things and the right one just depends on your availability and what you both need out of it. Artofmedschool.com is one project that we can continue together. We’re also listening to a true crime podcast together and Jen is even planning on editing my first book!
5 – Work On Yourself for the Other Person
My biggest love language is acts of service. A little tough to do when Jen is so far away. But, I can concentrate on ways to accomplish the same feeling. In this instance, I am working on cleaning up my eating and exercising more (down 10 lbs in the first two weeks!) How much does she care? Not much, but it is something I can do daily to show her how much I love her.
6 – Be You!
This is a growth opportunity! Yes, it sucks a little bit and it will be a bit difficult. However, there is something that you can learn from this process. How can you use this to grow? How can you come away a better partner? I’m rediscovering my love for cooking and enjoying learning how to cook with the foods available on the island. Shoot, maybe even when Jen comes back, she’ll let me cook supper once in awhile!